Overall, my mental health has been good throughout the COVID crisis. Not last week, though. I got caught in a spiral of incessant thinking. The news about the fires—and the thick smoke—in Northern California pushed me into a state of despair.
One of my coping strategies during COVID times includes spending time outside. I love sitting on my front porch and taking nature walks. Not being able to go outside because of terrible air quality made me want to burst into tears.
Also, this is the fourth year California has experienced catastrophic fires, and it's only been a few years since Paradise—a neighboring community—was destroyed by fire. In short, fires scare me. They also make me wonder if I'm cut out for life in the golden state.
To get out of my negative thinking loop, I turned to teachers. First, I started reading Mo Gawdat's book—Solve for Happy. I’m about halfway through the book, and so far it's a good read. Gawdat writes about happiness, suffering, human blind spots, and more.
I found Gawdat's description of incessant thinking particularly helpful. Here's what he wrote:
“All the thinking in the world, until converted into action, has no impact on the reality of our lives. It does not change the events in anyway. The only impact it has is inside us, in the form of needless suffering and sadness. Anticipating awful things in the future or ruminating about awful moments from the past is not the useful, instructive, and unavoidable experience of everyday pain. The prolonged extension of pain is a serious bug in our system because: Suffering offers no benefit whatsoever. None."
This idea reminded me that self-induced suffering is optional, and the only things I can control are my actions and attitude.
I also revisited Byron Katie's writing and questions. Katie invites readers to do the following:
"Isolate one thought. Ask the four questions. Allow the genuine answers to arise."
Below are Katie's questions:
Q1. Is it true?
Q2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Q3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Q4. Who would you be without that thought?
When I started working with these questions a few years ago, I wasn't sure if they would be helpful. Over the past year, I've applied these questions to various thoughts, and they've been incredibly useful.
Turning to teachers, like Katie and Gawdat, helped me drop my negative-thought loops. The pandemic isn't going away, and neither is the smoke. That's my current reality. I don't want to spend the next month, or longer, fighting reality and ruminating. I’d rather cultivate more joy in my daily life. That's not to say that I won't experience emotional lows in the future. After all, I'm not a robot.
Finally, Mary Pipher reminded me that it’s okay to feel all the feelings. Pipher is a clinical psychologist who specializes in women, trauma, and the effects of culture on mental health. I'm in the middle of her new book, and it's good!
I’ll leave you with a few ideas from Pipher’s book—Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents & Flourishing as We Age.
Pipher said, “I don’t recommend controlling our emotions, but rather listening to them. They are delivering information that is vital to our recovery. We want to fully experience our emotions in both our hearts and bodies. If we do this, we will gradually move toward healing and hope.”
Pipher goes on to talk about how despair “allows us to deeply appreciate our lives and savor our time.” In short, despair can facilitate growth. She said, “There is an ancient and almost universal cycle that involves trauma, despair, struggle, adaptation, and resolution. This is a deepening cycle that prepares us for whatever comes next. It opens our hearts to others and helps us feel grateful for every small pleasure.”
If you're struggling with negative thought loops or anxiety, I hope the books and ideas I shared above offer solace and support.
With gratitude,
Tammy